Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
