You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
