my phone needs a breathalizer
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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