The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
