i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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