dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
