If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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