hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
