Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
