Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
