Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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