Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
