she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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