hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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