areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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