FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Two words: nipple clamps
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