We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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