No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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