I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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