things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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