I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
