Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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