OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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