Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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