yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
