zippers are such a cool invention
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
