It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
