I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
