Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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