just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
All I want is dick and wine.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
