I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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