i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
