I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize