It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
