Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
