watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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