i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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