I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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