Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
