Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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