I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
