You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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