dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
