yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
