I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
