so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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