Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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