Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
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