It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
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I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
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Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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