We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
