3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm jealous of your bromance
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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