also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
