Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
