Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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