fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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