Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
