she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
So many bounce houses so little time
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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