With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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