overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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