STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
