I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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