Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
