After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
