Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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