I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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